How I work
Aro ki te hā — attending to the breath. People need to feel safe before they can talk well, so that’s where the process starts.
The people closest to harm are often best placed to repair it. Restorative practice gives them the structure to acknowledge what happened, stay connected and learn from it, so teams, students and whānau can keep moving forward. I guide the process, so they can do the work.
Why people get stuck
When people feel blamed or exposed, shame can take over. It shows up in four predictable ways: withdrawing, avoiding, turning on themselves, or turning on others. Under that pressure, the thinking brain can go offline.
So I work in a set order: regulate, relate, then reason. That order is what makes honest accountability possible.
The process — five breaths
1. Hā tuatahi — First breath
Separate preparation. I meet each person on their own, assess safety and readiness, and agree how the process will run.
2. Whakatā — The pause
Opening. We open with tikanga that suits everyone and agree the ground rules, such as each person speaking without interruption.
3. Puta te hā — The breath out
What happened. The person responsible shares what happened, what they were thinking at the time and now, who has been affected and how, and what part they take responsibility for. Those harmed share how it has affected them.
4. Hā hou — Fresh breath
Putting it right. Together we agree what needs to happen to repair things, and what will help prevent it happening again.
5. Hā okioki — Resting breath
Agreement and follow-up. Agreements are recorded in people’s own words, and I follow up to check they’re holding.
Accountability with dignity
The process only goes ahead when the person who caused harm is ready to take responsibility. They hear the impact and act to put it right. Shame is a natural response in that moment. I work with it, keeping the focus on what was done rather than who they are, so people are more able to face it.
What you can expect
Process — Clear stages, with safety assessed before anyone meets. Designed to work alongside your existing restorative approach.
Record — A written agreement in people’s own words, and planned follow-up.
Confidentiality — Agreed with you at the start, including what is reported back and to whom, within safety and legal obligations.
The pou that hold the work
Hā — My own steadiness first, so I can read and settle the room.
Manaakitanga — Careful hosting, pacing and preparation.
Whanaungatanga — Connection before content. Every process starts one to one.
Mana — Dignity protected on all sides, including for the person who caused harm.
Experience
Accredited, practising restorative justice facilitator, including in prisons, and an assessor of new facilitators. Family Dispute Resolution mediator working with high-conflict separations. Restorative work with schools, community groups, workplaces and the Ministry of Education. Grounded in te ao Māori and trauma-informed practice.