Common Worries Before Mediation

One of the most common things I hear before mediation is:

“What’s the point? They’ll just respond how they always do. It’ll be a waste of time.”

And honestly? That’s a fair point.

But here’s what I’ve seen over and over again:
Mediation feels different.

Something shifts when we’re not just reacting in the moment, when things slow down a little—when someone neutral is guiding the flow.

Slowing Down to Find a Better Way Forward

It’s a bit like hitting roadworks on your way into town.

Suddenly, you have to slow down to 30 km/h—or even stop completely. It can be frustrating, but it also gives you a moment to breathe, look ahead, and move through safely once it’s your turn.

That’s what mediation can do.

It slows things down just enough so you can gather your thoughts and say what really matters—rather than hitting the accelerator and firing back.

So, What Is Different in Mediation?

Only one person talks at a time.
No interruptions. No talking over each other. That alone can change everything.

Respect is the baseline.
That might mean no swearing, no name-calling, no rolling eyes, no muttered comments under the breath. These small things are like putting petrol on a fire!

There’s curiosity in the room.
The mediator will ask questions—sometimes gentle, sometimes bold—that help uncover what’s going on beyond the obvious.

A Real-World Example

Let’s say the disagreement is about choice of school for tamariki.

It might start like this:

“I want them to go to X school.”
“Well, I want Y school.”

That could feel like a full stop. Nowhere to go.

But a mediator might ask:

“What is it about X school that feels right for you?”
“What are your hopes for your child’s learning?”
“Is there something about Y school that worries you?”

And slow and steady, we move from stuck positions to understanding the reasons behind them. No longer a hard stop, but a window into the deeper stuff that matters.

Final Thought

It’s okay to be sceptical.
Mediation isn’t magic. But it is structured, respectful, and maybe different from the kinds of conversations you’ve probably already tried.

You don’t have to believe in it yet—just be willing to give it a go.

Ready to Talk?

If you're navigating separation or family conflict, I’m here to help.

• Free Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) through Fair Way Resolution

• Private mediation, shaped to your needs and pace

No pressure, just reach out if you want to take the first step.